She only Smiles; I Laugh
May 3, 2011
Once again I have to state that I can either write or post.
I have been gloriously, eagerly, besottedly writing for two weeks. I am living, breathing, thinking, emoting as I never have before. This is what it means to be alive.
The flip side is that while I was dealing with my editor’s advice to switch the whole thing to first person, I was more depressed for more days than I have been in many and many a long year. Life was without purpose or meaning. Using that word ‘I’ to write, I became my character, and all that I had not let myself think about, all my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my whole being came flooding out as if I’d broken a dam in my mind. I had to keep pulling all of that out of what I was writing, but keep that new-found emotional involvement in my work.
And yet… and yet, when I forced myself to sit down and write, the despair vanished and I was caught in the thrill of learning a new skill. When I stopped writing, despair returned. Then, one day, it didn’t, and euphoria set in. I’m not without down moments. I still angst over all sorts of silly things, but I *know* I’ve got things going right.
Pretty wild ride. Now my editor has set me to writing a prose outline. I had to research that one. Very interesting idea. I have a novel that was, essentially, complete. He told me, quite correctly, it was too vague , too wordy, etc. Well, I hadn’t started my editing yet, after all. But he gave me suggestions, including the first person cathartic process, that were amazingly helpful.
I hope the despair doesn’t return. But I have learned in my life that it will pass – if one can hold out long enough. And in this case, even the despair showed me I was, I am learning.
And now this outline. Computers are fun. I’m using different highlight colors for themes and characters and scene locations….
I am still reading all the blogs, and journals, and comics – and now Eurovision has started their rehearsals – love Hungary! And Cyprus! Too many distractions.
So, since I’m not posting at the moment, I just dropped in to add a little humor to your life. Cats, of course.
This is what all my cats love to do – right smack on the desk, blocking the monitor.
And this comic made me laugh and laugh – cats *and* skwerls!
And then, I have to reprise this wonderful Sheldon. Where is the artist without such insecurity?